Friday, March 25, 2011

25 - Cute Fanboy is Cute

One of my friends once asked me about what criteria do I look in a guy. Noooo, this won’t be a post dedicated on me gushing about my dream guy. Then, she asked me, not asked, stated actually that hey since I love K-pop I must be looking for a guy that loves K-pop too.

I answered, HELL NO. And this is a story on why I don’t want an equally obsessed K-pop fan as my man.

This happened rather recently. On Saturday, 19th March, 4.30 p.m to be exact. So for K-pop enthusiast you guys must know what that date means; Super Junior Super Show 3 Live in Bukit Jalil. Okay, I wasn’t exactly a Super Junior fan (or an E.L.F) since I’m leaning more towards DBSK (hence I am therefore a Cassie):P

In case if you don't know, these dorky guys are Super Junior-ohhh

But since there were rumours flying around that this maybe will be their last concert before Leeteuk departure to the army, I thought why not going. That is until I found out that I had to complete my 1 minute animation before Monday.

Since I already bought the ticket (way waaay earlier), I went to the concert with a very very very heavy heart, remembering all those works at home :( I have to give credits to E.L.F’s, all of them are very friendly and sweet and lovely :’) Someone even offered me to carpool but since I already promised with a friend to commute, I declined her offer.

But seriously, a shoutout to all E.L.F’s out there: YOU GUYS ARE THE NICEST PEOPLE I EVER MEET! By the way, for those who are not used to K-pop term, E.L.F stands for Super Junior’s fanclub Ever Lasting Friend.

E.L.Fs lining up.

It was raining that day when I arrived at Bukit Jalil and I was starting to regret my decision on coming, again remembering all those works piling at home. The earlier thoughts of going back home faded away when the ever committed E.L.F’s gave away free banners. I’m a sucker for freebies soooo…hahahahha.

E.L.Fs giving away free banners :*

The rain didn't stop E.L.Fs :)

This uncle and aunty are 78 years old. But they still came to watch. Btw, uncle's bias is Donghae haha

Line-up for hours and finally entered the stadium at 4:30, I looked for my seat and found out that I was the only one in my row at that time. So I sat in silence playing with my lightsticks and looking at those free banners and pretending to text. Minutes later, one guy was searching for his seat in front of my row. Glanced at him and thought he was pretty cute :p

The stadium, before the concert starts. Around 5 p.m

He kept walking around and round, probably couldn’t find his seat. A staff came up to him and asked him what was his seat number and whaddya know, his seat number was beside mine. I swore I was trying hard to contain my (gatal) smile at that time because, really, he’s cute! At that time, I was thinking how lucky am I to be seated next to a cute guy among all this sea of females. Sure, there were a few guys around but mannnn, he’s cute and that time that’s the only thing that matters!

The stadium as the concert about to start! SAPPHIRE BLUE OCEAN

Since the concert starts waaaaay later (and it seems that we’re the only people on that row at that time), we talked. He’s 20 from Sabah, studying at IPG Kuching. I was rather amused at the distance he traveled and he shrugged it off saying that it maybe is their last concert. And I was like “SAMALAH!” (gatal mode -.-“) I asked him what is his bias in the group and he answered, “No one in particular. I like everyone the same.” He asked mine and I answered rather enthusiastically “EUNHYUK OPPA”. After that, I couldn’t remember what we talked about, it was nothing important I guess. Just to kill the time and all.

At one moment, the rock pitt area suddenly screamed and we looked at them just to find a few security guards were checking the stage. Facepalm. Then he looked at me with that cute face of his and said, “They really need to chill right? By the way, you can shout all you want when the concert starts.”

Awwww ♥

Let’s skip. I know you guys are holding your barf.

The concert started and more people were filling up the empty seats. And I couldn’t remember who was floating in the air at that time, Donghae or Leeteuk and we all screamed like we never screamed before and the whole stadium was a sapphire blue sea (of lightsticks). The guy beside me (and all the other guys) screamed too but not as enthusiastic as us fangirls.

Well, initially.

That was until Henry’s solo performance. Henry sang Justin Bieber’s Baby. Being a Cassie, of course I didn’t know trivias about Super Junior’s members. Then he whispered to me before Henry sang, “I bet Henry will sing in English since he’s from Canada. You’ll see.” And I was like, “Okay sure.” Random trivia much.

Henry sang BABY BABY BABY OOOH and the guy beside me screamed very very very very loudly “HENRY HENRY HENRY HENRAYYYYYYYYYY BABEYY BABEYY OOOOHH” I tried very hard not to look into his direction at that time as everybody in that area stared at him, eyes bulging since he was the only guy that screamed at that time. Then he looked at me and pointed towards the stage very excitedly “SEE I TOLD YOU! HENRAYYYY”

And yeah, that awkward moment when everybody stared at me with a “poor her for having that kind of boyfriend” stare. I smiled at him and waved my sapphire blue lightstick.

I thought that was the end. But it was only the beginning.

Everytime he screamed, everybody, and I mean everybody will turn their head at us. It was totally not helping that he would look at me and told me what happened on the stage as if I wasn’t there. He would become more excited when Eunhyuk was on the stage “YOU SEE EUNHYUK? THERE THERE. SCREAM FOR HIM, HE’S YOUR BIAS RIGHT?”

Of course I saw Eunhyuk. I sat right next beside you, if you see him, I’ll see him too. Arghhhhhhh.

It was Kyuhyun time to do his solo. And I swore that this guy looked like he was about to leap off the balcony towards the stage. “CHO KYUHYUNNNNNNN! KYUHYUNNNN! CHOOOO KYUHYUNNNNNNNNN! AHHHHH CHOOO KYUHYUUUNNNN!!!!!”

It was very obvious at that time that Kyuhyun and Henry are his biases. Pffft, so much for not having any bias.

You know, I was right. He told me right after Kyuhyun finished singing, “Can I just jump towards the stage?” I could only laugh awkwardly. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Throughout the night, I had to deal with being stared at as supposedly “the girlfriend” and trying to prevent him from jumping off the balcony towards the stage. He couldn’t stop screaming Kyuhyun’s name everytime, everytime they sang. There was a time that I poked him with the lightsticks because he kept making ongoing lame jokes. For example, there was a song tribute for Kangin and at the other side of my seat, there was Indonesian E.L.Fs. He looked at me and said, “Kangin bukan kangen ek?”

At the closing speech when Henry was about to speak, he whispered to me “Henry’ll will speak in English.” And when Henry did speak in English, he looked at me and said “HENRY HEBAT KAN?”

At the end of the show, with hoarse voice because of the excessive screaming, I asked him rather offended, “YOU SAID YOU DON’T HAVE ANY BIAS. LIAR! You totally went all out for Kyuhyun!”

He, with even hoarser voice, answered sheepishly, “Well yeah, Kyuhyun is my bias, I suppose.”

The only thing running through my mind at that time was, good thing that you’re cute!

And this is why my friend, I don’t want a K-pop fan as my boyfriend/husband. I wasn’t even his girlfriend, I barely even know that guy but people keep looking at me with that “shucks for her to have that kind of boyfie”.

But still cute fanboy is cute :p

By the way, my favourite performance that night:

P/S: Next entry will be in Bahasa.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

24 - Ini Fakta

This is an entry dedicated to SPM-leavers that’ll collect their results tomorrow :’) Kids, don’t forget to bring along with you a tissue box cause you’ll never know what’ll hit you tomorrow. Please bear in mind that bad results doesn’t equate to failure in life, there’s more to life than SPM actually.

You see, when I was in primary school, I have a clear idea on what I want to be. I don’t know what or who inspired me, but I wanted to be a fashion designer. That was until I entered secondary school and was forced to take ERT in KHB that I realized, hey, I don’t have the talent to sew. Or operating that stupid sewing machine.

But really, I adore Alexander Wang :3

I gave up. But then, I found a new passion for Graphic once I got the hang of Photoshop when I was 14. Since then, I always wanted to be a graphic designer but I was too scared of writing it down on the career choice because there was always someone who’ll try to talk to me about it and told me about how useless art is and you don’t need a degree for art and the most common thing I always heard on those days are “MACAM MANA NAK CARI MAKAN?”

Or maybe I am interested in those cute Japanese packaging designs. Kot.

Good thing it is that I am stubborn or so they say. I prefer 'knowing what I want' as the correct term though :p Or maybe I thought that it was cool to be all rebellious “so what if I took pure science + Arabic stream, I IZ KEN DO ART”. My parents, of course, like the others, weren’t convinced of my choice. They never actually told me not to do art but they kept asking “don’t you have anything else you want to be? Anything?” But then, they’re not the type of parents that force you into doing something and hey, I’m here right now learning things that I always wanted.

I noticed that there is a serious misconception of art students when I entered this university. We, the freshmen, are totally unprepared for whatever coming in our way because you know this is not a famous/mainstream choice of field and there was little to none information whatsoever on how this things work. So for those who want to get involved in art, design, animation, please do read this. This whole post was inspired from fyeahartstudentowl at Tumblr.


Once you took this course, please bear in mind that you’ll need a lot of patients handling people’s perceptions of your future. Do remember that not everybody knows how it’s like to be you.

“So, kira you belajar, tangkap-tangkap gambar tu ek? Eee bestnya. I sukala DSLR.”

“Belajar apa haa korang ni? Ok ke?”

“…oh. Art. Yang lukis-lukis tu ek? Nak tengok, nak tengok. Mesti cantik kan kau lukis.”

“…nanti boleh kerja apa je?”

“Eh dulu ambil Sains kan? Kenapa ambil benda ni pulak?”


“Kau tengah buat apa ni? Assigment? Tipula.”

“Kau ambil apa? Art? HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA. Gila senang!”

“Kau lukis apa ni? Jagung?! Lukis orang tak boleh ke?”

Bak kata Usop: “SABO JE LA” *angkat tangan goyang-goyang


I shit you not. The assignments are crazy and ridiculous and they came like water streaming down from a waterfall. It just won’t stop. One thing came after another. For those who said “Alaaa, assignment jewww, tak buat pun takpe”. Ha. Ha. Ha. Please, if you don’t want to be killed, don’t ever dare to say that in front of art students. Or more specifically MMU’s FCM students.

The major difference between our course and others are the assignments. For other courses, assignments are like a bonus mark. If anything happens, still got final exam maa. BUT for art students, each and everything of our assignments are our final exam. The total marks will be calculated with the progresses of our work. We will only know our grades at the end of the semester.

We don’t have to sit for papers (one or two only but we never bother that much) but we are (or in the process of) killing ourselves by trying to complete the projects given throughout the WHOLE semester. Absolutely no weeks will past without catching up to our assignments.

So, the pressure was on us for the whole sem to be compared with other courses, they can totally opt for cramming things on the study week, but us? No, just no. Sleeping is almost non-existent when it came down to the deadlines. Well, you can always say “Hey we don’t sleep too what, we study all night oso, samela, no sleep.”

Again, no, it’s not. The difference between studying and drawing frame by frame so that you can do stop motion is not the same. Browsing through sound effect libraries is not the same as studying. Standing on a bridge in the middle of a nowhere with tripod and SLR camera trying to capture a perfect traffic light trails is not the same with studying. Why, you ask, huh? It’s because you can go to sleep and then wake up again to read it and then sleep again and wake up again to continue study. It’s okay because there wasn’t any deadline for studying. Anytime, anywhere also can be done, right?

But with us, going to sleep means you’re giving up. You just can’t do it anymore, that’s why you’re sleeping. Going to sleep also means the project will not be completed and tomorrow at the critique session you will be grilled non-stop or even be yelled at by your lecturers or even worse you will witness with your own eyes how the lecturers kick your artworks away.

Coffees and for some, ciggies, are our best friends :’)

Like last week, I did consider on hurting myself on purpose so that I can extend the deadlines but remembering that even a broken leg and bedridden in hospital ward was no excuse to not hand an assignment (true story), I diminished that thoughts.

We have to hand-in an A2 binded porfolio book along with a one-minute animated video. And it happened to be that I’m attending a concert on Saturday when the deadline for the project is Monday. I pulled an all-nighter on Friday and Sunday to complete it. I don’t know how I did it (maybe with blood, tears and sweat) but I did accomplish in finishing it – after non-stop tears streaming down my cheeks like someone just died. And, yeah, with this course, your tears will become cheap. I lost count of how many times I saw emotionally deranged tweets or status from my fellow classmates. And I am guilty as charged as well.


This is by far the worst of all. Critique sessions occur in weekly basis for some classes and you can’t help to feel emotionally broken when you show your lecturers your artworks. You’ll hear some of the most outrageous comments coming out from them. Most of them were not encouraging. At all.

If you have ever see Masterchef, that’s how it’ll be. Merciless. Taking down. Screaming. Bulging eyes. Garbage.

Rejection is a routine. It’d be a fookin lie if you’re taking art and you say that your artwork have never been rejected. Bull.

Before any critique sessions, we will prepare excuses first on why this sucks and that is imbalance and those are smudged and these are dirty.

“NOOoooooo, I don’t want this. What is this?!”

But sir, I followed your examples.

“I told you last week already, I wanted it to be this and that. But, now, you show me this? Can’t you put in any effort at all?”

I don’t know what effort is because I used 20 hours to complete this.

“You don’t understand your subject matter. Try to understand it, feels what it feels, touch what it touches. Be it!”

IT’S A CORN FOR GOD’S SAKE! How am I supposed to understand a corn?!

“Why I haven’t seen this before?!”

Well because you rejected my last piece and it only made sense if I make a new one.

“What in the world have you been doing?!!”

That thing that you hold in your hand. Duhh.

Sometimes, when worst comes to worst, crying was the only option left. Everything was not right. And will not be. There will always be some kind of flaws and imperfections in anything that we presented.

The moment before any critique session was the worst. Hearts leaping out from your throat. Stomach churning like you just swallowed laxative pills.

But when you least expect them to like your work, they will.

“Hey, this one is nice! I like it. Very good.”

And then when the results are out and you see your grade, you will resume back to crying.


Sometimes I just don’t feel like telling people on what exactly I’m working on. Because I know that they will laugh their asses off laughing when I did tell them. During Semester 1 in Life Drawing class, we drew vases, bicycles, curtains and chairs. Whileas in Semester 2, everyone of us have to choose a subject matter and work on it. The class looks like a Pasar Tani with all the veggies and fruits. I chose corn and everytime I tell people that I need to draw a story about corn and box, they’ll laugh.

Ini permulaan.

Ini pengakhiran selepas seminggu. Dan ada 4 lagi bersama-sama ini :'|

And now in Semester 3, in Visual Research class they made us pick subject matters again. I chose water tumbler and ceiling fan and whaddya know people still laugh.I don't even bother to explain anymore cause it's...unexplainable?

You should see how we explained our storyboards to the lecturers, then you’ll going to be rofl-ing because the way we explained with musics and sound effects made with our own mouth :|


There was a time that we don’t eat, we don’t bathe, we don’t sleep just to finish the never-ending assignments. The next day in class, you’ll see red eyes, bed hair, head slumping on the tables and vacant blank expression.

A class full of zombies. Always.

Falls asleep on a desk while trying to finish your video project is a must. Only to wake up and regret the time that you have wasted with sleeping. Then you fall asleep again only to overslept and you tried very hard to make it to class only to be thrown out from the class by your lecturers.


This is basically what it is. No, art is not easy. ART IS NEVER EASY. NOTHING IS EASY. But if you love it, you’ll try to endure :) And honestly, I’m surprised that I’m still alive.

If you want to know more go to fyeahartstudentowl. You will have all your information needed there.

P/S: Aku kalau tulis entry boleh panjang lagi tak? -_-

Monday, March 14, 2011

23 - On That Special Day

Entry ini diinspirasikan ketika Yasmin Khairuddin sibuk tanya patut ke tak kita jemput lecturer masa wedding dekat Twitter. Lepastu semua sibuk nak cerita pasal imaginasi masing-masing masa nak kahwin.Aku pun sibuk, yelah siapa tak suka meraban pasal kahwin kan?

Aku taknak wedding macam dalam Nona ataupun wedding macam heir/heiress Naza ataupun wedding Siti Nurhaliza. Sejak ustazah aku bagitau masa form berapantah, yang tak payah pun buat majlis sanding, aku dah buat keputusan yang aku nak nikah je.

Masa aku bagitau mak aku, dia menjerit tak setuju sebab aku anak sulung. Tapi tapi ni kan wedding aku sooooo *shrug.

Sebab? Sebab this is my wedding la! Nahh, bukan sebab duit yang spend buat sanding tu better buat benda lain macam beli rumah. Buat yang wajib cukuplah. Tapi, sebab aku nak nikah je, aku nak nikah tu betul-betul special.

Wedding invitation

It'll work out somehow!

Nak card yang macam poster 27 Dresses!


Aku tak faham kenapa orang boleh biarkan lagu-lagu M. Daud Kilau dan lagu dangdut random manantah berkumandang masa majlis diorang. Taktau la pulak kalau bride and groom memang minat dangdut tapi berdasarkan muka “WTF?!” diorang, aku anggap diorang tak minat.

Aku nak pilih lagu sendiri, aku taknak upah deejay syok sendiri. Bazir duit je. Malah aku dah tempah Amirah Farhana rockstar suruh nyanyi “Still Got The Blues”. Aku tak kisahla kalau majlis nikah memang tak ada main lagu. Ataupun takde orang gila nak mainkan lagu yang ditujukan untuk ex masa wedding dia. Ataupun maybe Tok aku akan terkejut tengok kehadiran gitar eletrik.


Satu yang aku tak faham pasal wedding, kenapa korang sanggup berhabis untuk benda lain tapi korang betul-betul ignore make-up korang? Kenapa make-up nampak half-assed? Aku tak kisah aku tak cantik masa-masa lain tapi aku wajib nampak cantik masa wedding aku. Ni satu aspek yang tak boleh ditolerate langsung.

Jadi, make-up macam mana aku nak?

Semestinya bukan edgy macam Taylor Momsem. Nanti orang ingat keganasan rumah tangga. Tak pasal-pasal future groom kena masuk penjara :(

No. farking. way.

Haritu aku nak jadi comel macam IU. Tak kisahla hari-hari lain muka aku macam layu, tapi haritu aku nak jadi ayu macam IU hahaha. Kalau nampak pale sangat, maybe a little punch of red for the lips.

This is IU. Sweet ain't she?

Macam Jessica ni pun ok jugak.


Taknak ketat macam kena ikat berkali-kali dengan plastic wrapper. Aku nak nampak dan rasa selesa, taknak crowded penuh dengan lace, organza and beads whatnot. Simple but sweet, efficient enough don’t you think? The colour – MUST BE WHITE! Ntah, I don’t see the point in wearing other colours. New start = white, make sense I guess.

Long version of these dresses :)

I probably going to go for a white loose long dress, tak payah designer-brand, tak payah Vera Wang pun takpe, maybe a fancy chain belt and a long necklace.

Shoe? Studded heel! Tapi colour putih jugak. Ataupun creamy, beige-y colour pun okay. Tudung? White pashmina lepastu maybe pakai flower crown.

Eceh macam betul je boleh. Ini imaginasi sahaja. Belum direalisasikan…yet.



Macam biasalah, briyani atau nasi minyak. Tapi aku nak kambing. Dengan creampuff. Dengan laksa lemak. Dengan char kuey tiaow. Dengan cendol. Oh yeahhhh.

Air aku nak SIRAP BANDUNG SODA. Alasan – sebab aku tak suka sirap jew. Aku nak soda jugak, nak soda jugak. Tapi sebenarnya, kalau boleh, aku nak hidang….teh ais. Tapi mesti kena lepuk kan?

Masa makan, aku nak setiap pinggan ada lapik plastic transparent untuk menyenangkan proses pembuangan sisa makanan. Better yet, budak catering tak payah membazir air langsung untuk cuci pinggan. Hal ini pernah aku utarakan dekat mak aku, dia kata BUAT MALU AI JE.

Aish susah. Kita nak berbakti pada bumi pun susah. Lagi satu, aku taknak meja VIP bagai. Lantakla PM ke datang, kau manusia jugak. Aku nak buat makan bersila. Sebab majlis nikah je punnnnn.

Bride and groom duduk tengah-tengah, orang lain makan keliling. Ho. Ho. Ho.


Taknak benda-benda yang aku tak boleh guna. Bagila buku ke, buku ke, buku ke, Polaroid ke, mixtape ke, baju ke, telekung ke tu takpe. Tak payah bagi toiletries, aku pun ada toiletries sendiri what? Perfume, a huge big no. Ai allergic kat perfume so no no no.

Kalau chocolate, aku nak Toblerone. Atau Daim. Taknak Ferrero Rocher, overrated nak mampus. Lepastu design hantaran tu wajiblah minimal. Taknak buat sakit mata, sarat dengan ntahpape. Cuba kalau aku jemput lecturers, tak ke kena marah time tu jugak? Kannn?

Taknak cake. Nanti kesian siapa yang tolong bawak :/ Aku selalu kena bawak cake kalau time pegang hantaran, seksa tau, seksa! Aku tak rasa aku nak emas, jam dan rakan-rakan kerana aku tak pakai pun aksesori. Melainkan a few yang memang aku suka, so takpayah. Simpan duit beli rumah lagi best.

Cincin kahwin taknak yang berkarat karat. Takut nanti masuk lubang jamban, nangis darah pun takde lagu dah. Nak yang simple macam ni je. Kalau rasa simple sangat, pandai-pandailah lekat satu diamond kat tengah-tengah.

Ni kalau nak bagi satu set, pun bolehh.


Taknak rose, tu Madihah punya wedding. Aku suka lily tapi tapi kan ada iklan pasal bunga lily tu, scary. So tukarlah. Chrysanthemum. Senang cari hahahahhaa. Boleh cari last minute dekat Batu Caves. Tapi yang lawala. White or pale pink. Ok lettew.

Ni bunga apa ek? Nak bunga macam ni. And groom macam ni. Seulong

Flower girl aku nak ramai. Awwww :’) Sesapa yang kahwin awal beranak awal, bagi aku pinjam daughter korang okay?


Pengapit, aku nak ramaiiiii. Saja, tak boleh ke? Siapa nak jadi main bridesmaid kena main osom, siapa menang dia tolong kipas aku? Boleh? Haha. Tak kisah pun part ni, bagi aku lagi ramai lagi meriah. (Actually sebab dah ada 4 orang volunteer jadi pengapit. Ah.ha.ha.ha)

Pengapit-pengapit pun wajibla lawa haritu. Tapi tak boleh selawa aku, okay? Jk, jk.


The decorations.

Rumah kot? Sebab kan nikah je punnnnn. Tak payahla dekat garden, beach bagai. Actually, aku nak jemput sikit je, konon private la :p Tapi mak aku kata NO! …okayla, okaylah ramailah. Tapi kalau ramai macam muat je nak makan bersila dekat dalam rumah aku tu?

Nak garden sangat, garden rumah aku pun ada. Setoit je la. Makan bersilalah kat sana ye.


Kenalah simple. Kata pun nikah je. Tu aku nak decorate sendiri, serious. I have no idea yet on that. Hmmm. Maybe something with stripey background? Or polka dots?


Goofy and fun pictures like these are

Taknak gambar posing. Taknak, taknak! Taknak gambar heavily edited dengan effect-effect murahan ala-ala kelas Rydia atau rempzzz yang bertapak dekat MySpace. Nak gambar semua candid. Nak gambar those moments that we fool around, kena make-up dengan mak andam, berinai ramai-ramai. I don’t want those silhouette, leading line, shadow stuff. I don’t want to look back at my wedding photos having no memory whatsoever of that day. I want pictures that speaks for that day.

Gambar kahwin ala light trail pun cam hebat jugak kan?

Yang for sure, gambar kahwin aku mestilah free. Kan? Kan? Kan?


You don't have to give me an Instax. Tapi kalau nak boleh je ;D

This one aku tak bagitau sesapa lagi. Hmm, aku nak every guests ambil gambar diorang dengan Polaroid masa majlis and then write something on their pictures. Lepas siap masuk kan dalam box yang disediakan. Or tampal atas board yang ada.

Ni inspired from Up In The Air. So korang tak payah prepare hadiah mahal-mahal, okay?:)

That’s all kot. Kalau aku ingat balik nanti aku letak :DDD

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

22 - Kata Ganti Nama Diri

English post, just because I feel like I'm slacking in English class lately. But, I still love you Ms. Azim.

Don't you have this dilemma, you know, when you just getting know a person and you don't know what to call him/her? As in 'aku-kau', 'saya-awak', 'kita-awak' or 'I-you'? I always encountered this kind of thing, being totally unsure on what to use, so sometimes I only wait for the person to start first and I'll try to get along. But somehow, IF, they let me start, I'll usually resort for 'aku-kau' for guys or 'kita-awak' for girls.


Sometimes, if any of us don't start, it'll drag along awkwardly. Like resorting into calling name as the pronoun instead. Example, "Tadi Ain kan buat...Ain rasa kan" Tak rasa geli ke? I feel like I am a toddler that just learn how to talk. And...I will ultimately feel that it is better for me to stay silent instead of continue talking like a baby.

My preferable pronoun when speaking with friends would be 'aku-kau' That just made everything feel so right. 'Aku-kau' is like an easy access, a sign that you could talk about everything, anything. But there's also awkward moments when people use 'aku-kau' and expecting me to talk to them like I was their age even if they're 7 years older than me. I hesitated for a moment, he's married for God's sake, but I find using 'kau-aku' would save the trouble so yeah, I used 'aku-kau' with a married man, 7 years older than me, currently taking up Masters.

So yeah, awkward and borderline rude.

'Kita-awak' is used in daily basis when I was in highschool. I don't know, right now it felt so wrong back then. 'Kita-awak' is considered as very lembut, very ayu. I don't feel it at that time but now looking back, it kinda is. And I'm sure as hell I'm not the only who thought of that since almost everyone change to using 'aku-kau' or 'you-I'. It was ok back then, but, now, I don't know, maybe we felt it's too childish? But still, there a few peeps that I still use 'kita-awak' with and truth to be told, don't you think 'kita-awak' is adorable? Haha, kthxbai.

Despite the adorable-ness of 'kita-awak', I think I'm gonna punch any guy that use it with me. WTF, that was just so wrong on so many levels.

'Saya-awak' is used formally, with lecturers, with the elders, with anyone that you don't know but tries to engage in a one-time-conversation. But I think it's cute, I don't know why but heh there's no way it'd be comfortable talking with a guy of my age using 'saya-awak'. I once spoke with a male senior at college and he used 'saya-awak' and dang I got goosebumps from it since everybody else use 'I-you'. Let's just say that I don't 'reciprocate' the 'saya-awak' thing with him.


This is how I'd look like when I tried speaking as 'I-you'.

Then, the 'I-you'. Out of all the pronoun available, I just don't really...hmm comfortable with 'I-you'? I don't know, but it just create this very strict line of professionalism. I however CAN converse using 'I-you', it's just...meh, weird? But after coming to college and all, I guess it's fine afterall. It's just a diversity in the way you talk or call someone. There's nothing wrong with it but at first I did think my 'I-you' sounds a bit forced cause I...don't really like using it. It sounded just awkward to my ear but I guess, there's no helping it.

And for those whose saying that they don't speak using 'I-you' because it's urban and it's not my stuff, NO IT'S NOT. Even in P.Ramlee era they used 'I-you'. It's not something that defined 'urbanism'. It's just a way of speaking, get over it.

But still, despite all that, it's very hard to force out an 'I-you' from me. The only time it'd came out right was when speaking in Rojak, only then I used 'I-you' and not sounding forceful or awkward.

Then, there's this special pronoun 'orang'. I like using 'orang' as my personal pronoun when I was little. Then my mom just had to come and ruin it all by making fun of me saying 'orang' and I changed it :/But it still came out unintentionally when I'm really, really, really close with someone. Or better yet, when I was trying to send across a message, 'hey you know what, I like you, that's why I use 'orang' with you'.

Ehem. Yes. Fail.

Friday, March 4, 2011

21 - Kotak

Berapa juta tahun aku tak tulis kat sini hah? Hiperbola melampau kalau kata berjuta tahun. Sebab dah lama tak mencoret, aku rasa nak tulis panjang lah kali ni (macam aku selalu tulis pendek je). Aku hilang beberapa hari, dalam 6 hari camtu dekat MMU sebab aku ikut program Sekolah Perdana MMU Melaka. Ha ha ha sebenarnya aku agak terhappy + terharu sebab ada lah jugak orang tanya aku hilang pergi mana, padahal tak sampai seminggu pun hilang.

By the way, program SMMU ni, macam kitorang kena jadi faci la dekat budak-budak, ajar pasal basic Photoshop. Sebab ni program perdana, jadi banyak (gila) sekolah terlibat. Korang korang korang yang kenal aku mesti pelik kan sebab aku buat program ni dengan kerelaan sendiri?

Yelah, kan aku pemalas tahap gaban punya malas.

Entahla, tiba-tiba rasa macam nak buat. Kira alhamdullilah lah jugak dapat pengalaman ni, tapi sebelum pergi Melaka tu merungut la jugak sebab assignment tiba-tiba menimbun tak tentu hala. Masa tu adalah rasa nak tarik diri, rasa macam taknak pergi sebab boleh gila kalau fikir pasal assignment yang tak sudah-sudah akan direject.

"If only you could see what was inside this box. It would change your life!" - Patrick Star; Spongebob Squarepants

Okay, kat sini bukan nak cerita pasal pengalaman jadi faci tu. Aku nak cerita pasal kotak. Kotak, yang empat segi tu. Masa sem 1 dengan sem 2 dalam kelas drawing memang non-stop asyik kena dengar cerita pasal kotak je. Boleh muntah tau tak nampak kotak tu? Tiap-tiap minggu, kami digesa, dipaksa, dideritakan dan disengsarakan dengan cara untuk berfikir di luar kotak.

Sesi mengintai lubang kotak masing-masing.

Kotak dalam konteks ni, aku nak cakap pasal kita punya clique. Dulu masa sekolah, kan kebanyakan ada background sama, status sama, perangai sama, kira sama cliquelah. Kira kita ni duduk satu kotaklah. Tapi, aku perasan bila kita dipaksagatherkan ramai-ramai macam PLKN atau program SMMU ni, dia akan wujud satu perasaan nak keluar daripada kotak kita. Tiba-tiba ada lubang cacat kat kotak tu.

Kita dah boleh nampak kotak lain. Masa tu rasa, oohhhhhhhhhhhh, bukan kotak kita-kita aje yang ada, banyak lagi kotak-kotak yang lain. Dulu masa masuk PLKN, ada kawan aku terkejut bila aku cakap aku tak reti masak, bagi dia tu dosa besar dah perempuan tak reti masak padahal bagi 'kotak' aku, apa de hal bro, masak?! Order la derr. Lepastu aku pulak terkejut bila tengok ada 'kotak' yang tak reti solat. Padahal kat sekolah aku, kalau kau tak hafal 5 ayat depan Yasin, orang akan pandang kau pelik dah. (sekolah aku bukan sekolah agama tapi kalau bab Yasin ni agak sensitif sebab every week wajib baca)

Kat sana bercampur dengan 'kotak-kotak' lain, kadang-kadang rasa malu pun ada. 'Kotak' Kristian akan baca Bible tiap-tiap malam, pastu buat aku terfikir; 'kotak' Islam kenapa tak baca sampai macam ni? Ada misconception yang kata bila kita bergaul dengan 'kotak-kotak' lain, kita akan terpengaruh nak masuk 'kotak' tu jugak.

Reaksi aku: Pffft, toksah nak menipu. Kalau dah memang wannabe dia memang la akan ikut, tapi benda-benda ni sebenarnya boleh bukak sikit lubang kat kotak kita tu. Kau nak kata tercemar? Terpulang. Tapi boleh je ambil iktibar, boleh je jadikan benda tu sebagai satu inspirasi. Macam orang bising kalau kita tengok aksi rempit kat TV boleh influence kita pun jadi rempit, tapi kenapa budak rempit yang tengok aksi pemanduan berhemah tak terinfluence nak memandu secara berhemah?

Ni kotak holier-than-thou. Takde lubang, takde cacat cela. Diorang tak pernah keluar daripada kotak diorang dan diorang taknak pun keluar.

Ya, mukadimah aku panjang sangat -_- Dan haah, ni baru mukadimah. Masa program SMMU haritu, nak dijadikan cerita banyak kotak-kotak bertembung. Kotak integrasi, kotak pure agama, kotak teknik, kotak sekolah biasa, kotak sains. Macam kat PLKN jugak, kat SMMU ni ada satu slot pasal graf kehidupan. Siapa yang pernah pergi PLKN mesti taukan benda ni?

Graf kehidupan selalunya mengundang mood-mood disturbance yang buat otak kau bersenggama, kalau ada orang sudi bercerita, kalau. Kau akan jumpa satu sisi rahsia baru dekat kotak tu. Kira macam space yang Patrick buat yang masa dia sorok gambar Spongebob dalam kotak tu lah senang cerita. Dalam group yang aku jadi faci tu, kotak-kotak tu bertembung.

Tiga orang kotak buka satu lubang rahsia. 2 kotak antara tiga, bukak lubang besar, sangat. Sejujur-jujur-jujur-jujur-nya, kalau aku jadi kotak-kotak tersebut aku tak bagitau lubang rahsia aku. Malah, masa nak cerita graf kehidupan aku sendiri (tak kirala masa kat PLKN ke SMMU ke), aku kambus lubang aku, aku tutup rapat-rapat. In other words, aku cerita secara umum jelah kat budak-budak tu. Biasalah, menyelamatkan bontot sendiri. Tapi partner faci aku pulak, dia bukak lubang rahsia dia besar-besar. Jadi tiga kotak ni pun ter-inspirasi nak ce citer sekali.

Mula-mula kotak-kotak taknak cucuk lubang. Kalau akupun, aku taknak. Siap ada memberontak kata, "Buat apa kita nak pandang balik dekat benda-benda lama camtu? Kalau boleh memang tak patut ingat pun." Aku mengganguk laju, sebab aku pun setuju, nasib baik partner faci aku tak perasan. Penat I kambus tau!

Tapi last-last kotak memberontak tu yang cerita pasal lubang dia dulu sebab partner faci aku dengan aku dah bukak lubang. Padahal lubang aku tak sampai 10% pun.

Tiga kotak cerita panjang gila, siap ada dua kotak punya cerita overlap, bergaduh sampai aku sebagai faci krik krik krik sebentar sebab tak sangka diorang dah lama kenal dan dah lama ada masalah dengan each other padahal dua kotak ni berasal daripada ibu kotak yang lain. Masa ni, aku tengok sekeliling, aku perasan kotak agama, diam je. Muka ngantuk, muka terganggu. Mungkin dia tak biasa dan tak pernah nampak dan tak pernah rasa apa yang tiga kotak ni rasa.

Lepas tiga kotak habis cerita, jam dah pukul 3 lebih nak masuk 4 pagi.

Aku bawak budak-budak yang berlainan kotak ni balik hostel yang jaraknya agak jauh dengan tempat diorang bukak lubang kotak. Masa-masa jalan tu, kotak agama jalan laju gila, macam tak sabar benar nak balik hostel tidur. Aku yang sememangnya gedik jeritlah, "Jalan la sekali dengan akak, jomla sembang-sembang sekali dengan kitorang."

Ni kotak kami-kami yang dah tercemar. Kami tengok kotak lain, kami keluar, kami intai, kami skodeng.

Kotak-kotak yang aku kena jaga 10 orang, ketika tu 9 kotak dipaksa sembang dengan aku sambil berjalan. Kotak agama tu just lambai tangan lepastu dia jalan lebih laju ke depan. Aku dah menggedik, "Alaaaaaaaaaa tak bestla camni."Sorang kotak explain, kata kotak tu dah ngantuk. Aku kata, 'akak pun ngantuk, korang pun ngantuk.'

Lepastu, ntah macam mana terbukakla satu isu ketika kitorang sembang-sembang kosong ni. Semua kotak bersetuju yang kotak agama tak dapat menerima dan mendigest lubang-lubang tiga kotak ini tadi. Kami mencapai kata sepakat yang kotak agama ni, hmmm masih tak boleh nak cucuk lubang kotak dia dengan jarum sekalipun. Kalau boleh, biarlah dia duduk terperangkap lemas dalam kotak dia yang kononnya selamat sampai bila-bila. Kotak teknik tetiba emo, "Saya bukan apa kak, mana boleh duduk kat kotak dia je. Tertutup camtu."

"Betul kak. Nanti susah. Close-minded sangat pun."


Orang yang selalu bergaul dengan kotak holier-than-thou mesti faham kan perasaan ni. Perasaan dikondem sesuka hati padahal kau tak pernah rasa memangla kau cakap camtu. Kotak holier-than-thou merasakan mereka tak perlu diexpose dengan benda sebegini, malah ada sesetengah yang aku kenal, parents diorang tak bagi diorang berjalan-jalan pun. Salah? Tak, tak salah.

Kaulah kotak nanti nak hidup susah. Kotak holier-than-thou perlu faham, dunia ni bukan hitam putih je. Karerful okay dunia ni. Tak caya cuba bukak directory colour dekat Photoshop tu. Kan berjuta karer ada? Tak payah nak takut sangat dengan kotak lain.

Awak takde lubang macam diorang, sebab awak tak nampak lagi apa yang diorang nampak through lubang diorang. Jadi takde guna, awak nak gembira, syukur sebab awak takde lubang macam diorang sebab Allah je tau macam mana kotak lain cuba nak buat-buat tak nampak lubang yang ada dekat kotak diorang.

Cuba lubang tu ada dekat kotak awak? Boleh awak buat-buat tak nampak macam diorang? Diorang dah fight benda tu and made it alive albeit slightly scratched and injured or ikut kata kotak holier-than-thou 'tercemar', tapi diorang dah tutup dah lubang tu kat kotak diorang. Awak? Awak tak nampak pun lagi apa yang diorang dah nampak through lubang diorang tu.

Aku pun taktau macam mana aku nak tutup cerita pasal kotak ni. Aku just nak cerita apa yang aku nampak daripada kotak aku.

Kotak korang cam mana pulak?

*Sorry, taknak letak gambar-gambar SMMU sebab muka aku selekeh gila kat sana. Maklumla pergi sekolah.

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